Sure fire way to piss me off

So I'm sure I've talked about this before, but I'm going to again, because it's funny.  Brad's eating habits.  They're revolting, but like a monkey on crack, I can't help but fixate on him in morbid fascination every time he buys a McDonald's hamburger with nothing on it but a tiny, thin, gross, greasy patty, takes off the top of the bun, covers the burger in greasy french fries, puts the top of the bun back on and eats it.  It's disgusting, but fascinating.  For a 41 year old man, who eats nothing but Cheetos, cheese balls, burnt meat that looks and tastes like shoe leather and McDonalds, Brad is remarkably healthy.  He can run faster than most people I know (although he hates running), he has low cholesterol, he's incredibly strong, and yes... he's even won a wrestling match with me (or several). 

So what's the quickest way to piss Brad off at McDonald's?  Order something sanctimoniously healthy at a chain that is known for its foul, greasy fare, complain to the minimum-wage earner behind the counter that you don't have enough dressing for your salad, and then get all huffy when the person who is just trying to eke out a living and has nothing to do with setting McDonalds' prices, says you have to pay 27 cents extra for extra dressing.

When Ms. Healthy's plastic bad-for-the-environment bag of salad was given to her, she opened it and with a scowl on her face, informed the employee that there was only one package of salad dressing in the bag and she needed two more. (So much for that salad remaining healthy) The employee, following years of training and wanting to keep her job, told the woman politely that extra packages of dressing are 27 cents each.

Lets think about this logically for a moment. My McDonalds has not raised its prices as everybody else has during the gas hike. As a matter of fact, you can still get a large Sweet Tea for only $1! So if they want to charge 27 cents for people who want extra dressing, I can live with that. It's called free market, supply and demand.

And what was the reply from Ms. Healthy? A stunned look, a scowl, and a huffing walk away. As she walked past me, she actually said "That bitch wants to charge me 27 cents?! Who does she think she is?!"

I know my Bradley better than most.  There are very few quicker ways to make him angry.  I'm surprised he didn't go over to the self-righteous bitch, pull her innards out through her nose and plop them onto her McDonald's tray!

My buddy Rachel Lucas also posts about things that piss her off on occasion.  She does it with such flare and style, so as to make me spew whatever I happen to be drinking at the time onto my computer screen.  Note to self:  DO NOT READ RACHEL'S BLOG AT WORK!!

Well, you guys know what pisses me off:  gun-grabbing lunatics, socialists, racists, fundamentalists, morons, authoritarians, tyrants, ignorance and statists, just to name a few. 

But that's politics... You know what pisses me off in real life?  Leaving work early, only to be stuck in traffic on I-66, because some asshat decided to slow down or break down on one of the most crowded highways in the United States?  Worse yet, whoever designed the interchange at Gainesville must have been smoking a REALLY BIG BONG!  The far left lane is HOV.  For those who don't know what that is, it's a morally repugnant idea fomented by enviro-nazis where the left lane of one of the busiest highways in the country is reserved for hybrid cars and vehicles with more than one person in them.

Now, here's an aside about HOV:  It's a crappy idea.  It's repulsive and unjust.  It's meant to encourage people to consolidate their vehicle time, so that we don't pollute or some such.  Here's my take:  my taxes pay for highways and roads just like others'.  Hell, I probably pay more than many, because by the socialists' standards, I'm rich.  Hey, whatever... But my money pays for these damn roads, and I WANT FULL USE OF THEM!  No, I don't have another person in my car.  A: I hate other people, and aside from Brad, there is no one I would want in my vehicle at 0500 hrs.  B:  Even if I wasn't a misanthropic bitch, there aren't many psychotic asshats in the world who would make a 90 mile commute to a job they loved at 0500, so that their kids could live in a nice neighborhood, attend schools where they receive a modicum of individual attention and remain in a small community with numerous friends.  OK?  It's my choice to drive 180 miles EACH day to and from work.  I spend enough on gas to choke a rhino.  Why, pray tell, do I also have to be barred from using the friggin' left lane on I-66 so I could pass the idiots who actually drive the speed limit?

OK, back to my point.  The left lane is HOV.  That lane ends at the Gainesville exit.  At the same time the far right lane ends as well.  That's right.  One of the nation's busiest highways goes from four lanes to two at that particular exit.  You can imagine how pleasant that is at rush hour!

Now, aside from HOV restrictions, here's what I hate:  believe it or not, I actually abide by the restrictions.  I have no desire to be ass raped by the Old Dominion if some overzealous state cop stops me for being the only one in my vehicle in the HOV lane.  So I suffer, along with thousands of other misanthropes who refuse to rideshare.  That's fine.  I deal.  What really pisses me off is the asshats who decide they're too good to abide by the restrictions, who drive their SUVs in the HOV all alone, pass all of us slugs who are sitting in the bottleneck, and then try to shove their fat asses in front of me when the HOV lane ends.  They violate the regs just so they can butt in front of the rest of us and cause me to slam on my brakes so they can sneak in front of me when the lane ends.

I'm one of those obnoxious drivers who will not let these assclowns in.  Period.  I will intentionally speed up and ride the tail of the vehicle in front of me so closely, that the driver of that car should ask me to buy them dinner first.  I'm a bitch.  I want the assholes in the HOV lane who feel they're too special to drive in the regular lanes just like the rest of us to stop and wait until someone lets them in.  And let me tell you something... DC area drivers - not a whole lot of them are nice enough to let these shitslurpers in front of them. 

I may hate HOV restrictions with the fire of a thousand burning oil fields in Kuwait, but I hate the assholes who consider themselves too special to abide by the regs even more. 

There.  That's my pet peeve for the day.